DISCLAIMER! DISCLAIMER! DISCLAIMER!
Please bear in mind it is very difficult to even approach a subject such
as the title above; particularly because it is the ugliest of home truths that
quite a few of us have to live with or have seen from close proximities. This
one issue has broken our own hearts or of those near and dear to us. I myself
have personally witnessed a few cases in recent times and feel obliged to weigh
it in before stamping a permanent seal of ‘obscenity’ and tucking it away somewhere
in my mind. Infidelity raises a lot of questions on moral grounds and the most
nagging part is in its frequent occurrence. If it is happening to this many
people, it certainly cannot be withdrawn behind closed doors and turned a blind
eye to, can it? Thus, this is my confrontation with the issue in the form of a
story derived from several different sources. The characters bear no
resemblance to any people living or dead but the story itself is neither truth
nor fiction.
RAJIV
The room smelt of sex. The sweet aroma of human skin rubbed together in
symphony and resulting in a musky, filthy yet beautiful fragrance of
indulgence. Was the word indulgence synonymous with satisfaction? Perhaps in a
broader context but strictly did not apply to my case. I was seated on the
floor at the foot of a bed in a cramped dark room. I had no recollection of how
long I have sat in the same position but the pain in my left ankle suggested
both the slow disappearance of substance abuse and the painful awakening and also
a completely disconcerted notion of my bearings. However, the sight in front of
me, sprawled across the king size bed could still take my breath away! She was
the single most beautiful and enigmatic creature I had ever come across and up
until a few hours ago the only objective of my entire being was to be inside
her, to ravage her and own her. In thirty long years of longing, this was as
close to giving it all up I ever came. The stirring in my loins resurrected as
I continued to stare at her. With the residual energy I could muster, I slowly
extricated myself from the still position and dragged my body out as you would
drag a lifeless corpse.
Stepping out of the apartment building, I tried not to look back or
check whether the shift of the guards had changed or if anyone else recognised
me. I held my head high and kept a steady pace. I pretended to belong to the
drunken crowd that step out of clubs on Sunday mornings deeming the glare of
the sun impossible and in full denial. But this was no Sunday and what I had
left behind, no club. In my daze I almost ran into a bunch of high-school girls
crossing the road. They burst into a giggle as I focused my eyes on them. I
blinked several times to clear my vision and I could swear one of them looked
exactly like Meera. In fact if Meera ever puts on a school uniform she could
still pass for the old Meera I had met almost twelve years ago. The moment that
innocent memory of her face swayed in front of my eyes, I felt a sudden shot of
pain in my chest and jolted. I could feel the bile rising in my throat and
tried to drape my arms around myself, tightening them, my insides screaming,
making my skin crawl and felt like the filthiest person on earth.
It was five minutes past one when I looked around the near-empty cafe
and realised it must have been a good three years since I have last been there.
Why it suddenly occurred to my mad friend to meet here was a mystery. But then
he was acting a bit odd ever since the big commission pay out. He was probably
revisiting the memory lane marking all his financially worrisome eras or
something to that matter. My jaws clenched at the thought of my two friends.
Damn those two, I probably would not be at this confused state of mind had it
not been them constantly telling me to let loose and live it up a little! Well
if being totally ashamed of myself, pitying my life could be termed as 'living
it up' then was I glad that I had been living it 'down' up until then! Damn the
rich bastard and equally damn the baldie!
GUSH
The incessant ringing of the phone broke my reverie and I finally
switched the ringer off. I waited a few minutes for any voicemail and when
there was none, breathed a sigh of relief. I looked behind my shoulders to see
the most immaculate face hidden under layers of white, sleeping peacefully. To
someone someday, she would be worth every penny spent! I debated for a minute
and disappeared under the blanket myself to join her. The rustle of the sheets
woke her up and she was ready for me, instantly, just like that! I was as lucky
as I felt and you just could not put a price on something like that.
The phone started ringing again within half an hour and I cursed myself
under the breath for not switching the ringer off properly. These stupid smart
phones seemed to have a life of their own. I unwillingly looked at the number,
waited for the ringing to stop and then quickly switched the phone off. When I
turned back I simply picked up from where I had left off. Years of practice had
only taught me one thing - not to take any short moments of pleasure for
granted and rather to enjoy every moment of it like savouring and relishing
every morsel of my favourite dish! After another long but fruitful hour, I was
ready to leave.
The drive home was quick enough as this was a known route. As I walked
through the door, I noticed the house was shrouded in complete darkness and
felt my way across the wall looking for the switch but to no avail and soon
stumbled against something and almost fell. That is when the lights came on and
shone against the pouting face of my three year old; and right behind him was
my usually calm and composed wife, now looking a tad bit annoyed. I picked my
son up with both hands as I walked towards my wife and pulled her into a
bone-crushing bear hug! Immediately the frown disappeared from her face and was
replaced by a short but meaningful smile. Together we put our son to bed and
started stripping each other's clothes off halfway through to the bedroom. We
were completely naked when we reached the bed and hungrily took up on each
other's bodies. There were no skills involved, no foreplay and the entire
affair lasted for about five minutes. I remained in bed for quite sometime,
unable to move out of exhaustion, not so much from the past five minutes but rather
the entire day. When I finally left the bed to wash my face, I suddenly ran
back two steps at a time and stooped down to kiss my wife's forehead. I watched
her smile in her sleep and felt the deepest sense of satisfaction. I made my
way back to the bathroom and smiled at my reflection and said 'now you my
friend are a genius Mr. Poupulos!"
Only sheer ingenuity could orchestrate a life that was as well balanced
as mine and with very few regrets. I loved my wife, my son and I would never
even dream about committing anything as offensive as taking them to the same
restaurant as one of my mistresses; or say spend the equal amount of money that
I spent on my whores. No sir, the other women knew their rightful position just
like I recognised the value of my family. One was sex and the other, well my
life.
I was nearly inhaling breakfast items way after midday and cursed myself
for sleeping in late on my only day off and doubly cursed my friend for
arranging this meeting on a Monday! The rich bastard was starting to get on my
nerves and I did not even want to get started on the virgin! How the three of
us ended up together in university was a wonder in itself but how we managed to
stick it out for seven years was an enigma. And how drastically our lives have
changed since then, owing mostly to our personalities of course. I always knew
I would have to take over dad's business and had no qualms about where my life
was headed but the Indian turned out to be a genius by the end of the last
semester and most of all Chris was undoubtedly the clear champion! I could not
help but feel a little envious of his obvious charm, good looks and now his
money and brand new Beemer. To top it all off, his sexual endeavours were
exceeding mine now and the infuriating man even made a joke last week about how
my women were toilet rolls - disposable - and his were antique collection
items! The nerve of the bastard I tell you! Collecting myself from my train of
thoughts, I hurriedly started to dress to leave.
CHRIS
The sun was too harsh today, an impolite orb, glaring. I searched for my
sunglasses knowing for certain they were not there and it was only last week I
had purchased those new ray bans -
an important part of my disarming charm! I hoped to find it somewhere in the car
and not back in the building that I just left. I pressed the key and heard the
responding murmur from my modified BMW 3 series. The last quarter's commission
was like a lucky hand at poker, I liked to think and will create a steady
stream of income for the next three years at least, making the monthly payments
for the car comfortably with my social life unhurt. It was amazing how things
were falling into place. I decided not to compare it with poker after all, let
me just say 'luck' was my middle name.
And it was luck indeed that refrained me from being caught by Debbie (my
steady-going girl friend of two years) in my many sexual escapades. And I hope
it stayed that way because I had no intention of loosing her. In fact she had
nothing to do with these bouts of momentary affection I bestowed upon these
pretty collectible items. The fact that they were pretty was nobody's business
and the fact that they were attracted to me was not my fault.
Interestingly, the long lasting periods of happiness with Debbie that I
could recall were those when I cheated most. Cheating gave me a natural buzz
that initially incapacitated me, possessed me and then slowly incorporated
itself as a part of me. I was happy all the time, engaged in everything that I
did in life, enjoyed work and loved the world! I think I even gave to charity
that year! Now these resulting factors could not be discounted or ignored and I
was just going to be smart about it. Even my over-achieving father was happy
with me for once ever since I left home and gave up a career in medicine. All
those years spent slogging in the university was something I could never refund
but switching to sales and rapidly earning those hefty commissions eased the
pain a little at least. Now I was just a man who triumphed all conquests in
life.
I smiled at that last thought and felt something poking my backside as I
placed myself behind the wheels. Ah! So that is where the glasses were hiding!
These days nothing was too far from my reach even if I did not try too hard to
look for it. This was my moment and I was basking in its glory. I could not
wait to meet those two bastards and spill the beans on the latest conquest. I
bet the baldie was fuming since his scorecard had been failing miserably for
the past two weeks. I drove off leaving the soft echo of my laughter
behind.
COMING TOGETHER
Rajiv, Gush and Chris: the trio was seated comfortably at the same table
where they had spent innumerable number of hours back in their university days.
The idea of course came from Chris' brilliant mind, which was fondling with
memories, eager to reunite with old friends and revisit nostalgic shrines just
like a person newly in love. In a sense he had fallen in love, with himself and
his life. These days he fell in love almost every week, if not every day and
the moment that I-could-own-this-universe headiness even threatened to fade
away, he fell in love once more and resumed the good feeling - from the top!
Such was the sweet music his life was producing as of late. The truth to the
matter was that every single person in this world craved that feeling of first
love, the glory of it all and however sad it may be, that feeling did have a
tendency to ultimately fade away and completely disappear and be replaced by a
cool nonchalance, both in bed and life. His relationship with Debbie was not
fading by any means and he would not complain (even under the influence) that
it lacked substance or future prospect. In fact it was perfect - they were both
compatible, fitted into each other's lives harmoniously, had similar sense of
humour, all in all a perfect match. But that taunting and haunting chemistry
that existed in the first few weeks, the uncontrollable desire to consume each
other, not being able to keep their hands off each other, that hunger had
transformed into a more solid structure. The relationship became dependable and
life predictable. Suddenly those twinkle in the eyes and the hushed whispers,
eye contact, burning touches, sudden blushes gradually slowed and suddenly did
not exist anymore. They did not dress to impress each other and the general
feel-good sense vanished and was replaced by an aura of lethargy. Time just
dragged on. And he realised then and there that he needed to rescue himself, to
give back the energy and motivation that was required to succeed in life.
Thus in all essence he did not blame himself for taking up on this
beautiful sport involving beautiful women. They were a challenge for him, kept
his brain working furiously compared to gambling or drugs. Drugs, he reckoned
were for the weak that preferred oblivion but Chris on the other hand, wanted
to live every moment. The art of wooing and lovemaking was a full time job. And
he read it somewhere that frequent happy releases even aided minor illnesses.
His heart went out to the virgin though - it was probably a good thing
he did not realise what he was missing out on - less complication that way. However,
before he realised his mistake, it would be too late and timing was everything
in life Chris had realised. If he had wasted another single year running after
the passionless all-practical dream of pursuing a career in medicine, he would
have perhaps ended up in the middle of a surgery, thirty years from now,
holding somebody else's life in his hands not knowing what he had done with
his. No offence to Rajiv's culture and values but he seriously needed to wake
up and come out of a world that did not exist. What was the logic behind
practising self-restraint for thirty odd years, that too with his steady-going
girl friend? Chris assumed that by now Rajiv would have surely stopped
breathing and feeling naturally altogether considering the number of years he
had curbed his appetite from things his conscience considered unorthodox. And
how on earth was he expected to appreciate what he had if he would not shop
around a little? Most importantly what was the purpose of it all - in the name
of love, religion, culture or morality?
Rajiv was furious and somehow Chris's happy demeanour was not helping.
The smug bastard kept looking his way and God knew what he was thinking. Not
constructing yet another new scheme to improve his life, Rajiv hoped. Rajiv was
sick of both their cynical attitudes towards his life and belief system. Yes it
was true his life was not normal according to all men who lost their virginity
at the first given opportunity, paid tributes to social norms and structure on
the surface but loathed them behind closed doors, paid no heed to cultural
wellbeing or religion. Yes, his life was extremely abnormal in that respect and
probably an alien concept for most to perceive but Rajiv's question to the
world was what did they have in their lives so precious by being totally
obnoxious and disrespectful towards all social manacles that he himself did not
have? Did they have a better standard of living, most importantly were they
happy? He did not think so. Rajiv had long since decided not to meddle with
things he could never aspire to understand. Things like lifestyle, right and
wrong should be left in the trusted hands of people who had lived longer than
you have and seen and experienced a lot more than you. He was not religious in
the strictest sense of the word but he preferred relying on a book that had
materialised in this world long before you were around and had been adopted by
the mass population. Why did we have to interfere with such things, where was
the need to question such beliefs when there is no way of ever finding out who
is in fact right? Rajiv felt it was just so convenient to embrace the
guidelines set to you by the holy book and cultures embedded into you by your
parents and try and adhere to it as much as possible. He never understood where
the need was to waste time analysing these set of beliefs when he could be
investing that energy to solve other more pressing issues in life such as
paying bills, maintaining relationships and keeping everyone happy. He had long
ago decided he was not the kind to complicate things further. And yet here he
was, trapped with his two best friends who could not be anymore different than
he was and had successfully managed to ruffle his entire belief system and
almost made him experiment with something he still could not believe he had
attempted. He cursed the day he had joined the other two in the library to
study the one common course they had. He cursed Marketing which he did not even
like. He cursed the day he was dared and tricked by Chris into asking out the
random girl at the pub just to prove a point. The amount of lust and
all-consuming energy on his part that followed still shocked him to the core.
He had never known how desperately he just wanted to hold a woman's nubile skin
between these fingers and just how badly he wanted to enter a girl, any girl.
And most importantly how it did not matter who she was! Rajiv shivered as the
feeling of foreboding washed all over him once more. It was like his mum had
always said - the demon lurked behind your shoulders in moments like these.
Rajiv tried to focus his mind back to the conversation, taking place at
the table. Gush was regaling his tale from the night before and how he had
successfully satisfied both the wife and the mistress before dawn. It was
revolting how Gush seemed to think his life was perfect. In fact his entire
view of this world was so demented. Especially the way he had always tut-tutted
at Rajiv’s lack of adventure in life was unbelievable. It was funny how once
you became too close to anyone, the exact things about you that had seemed
interesting initially suddenly became 'problems' that needed to be molded and
they would not relent unless they make you one of them. The fact that he was
different did not make Gush any better than him, Rajiv thought. The biggest
imposters were the ones who put their hands up in criticism, sometimes knowing
they themselves have or would do the exact same thing in a similar situation,
but gulps down the truth to seem heroic in public. These people are proud
regardless of the occasional bouts of doubt they experience concerning
themselves and are at peace. Rajiv considered his friend Gush to be one of
those truly happy people in the world because his conscience never seemed to
bother him. The feeling of never having to question yourself must be amazing.
Gush from across the table was observing Rajiv's disheveled appearance
and troubled countenance. He wanted to tut-tut out loud but bit back his
tongue. For the first time ever, his friend resembled a man, if ever so dimly.
He was tired of having a sissy of a girl sit at this table with them for ages.
He would never understand people like Rajiv who forgot the most important
reason for coming into this world - to live. And if you are trying to
accomplish everything else and not realising the difference between ages
fourteen and forty, Gush would surely want a rematch of that life and that is
what he truly believed his friend needed. He needed a rematch, a chance to come
back into this world and live a little without a million restrictions. Morality
was such a vague term. It was just like every other established belief system -
nobody knew where it originated from and who decided it was so important to
adhere to. And yet we spend all our lives trying to live up to this phantom’s
expectations. So very vague. Are we honestly naïve enough to believe there is a
person holding a trophy waiting for us at the finish line who would reward us
for paying our bills on time, having a steady monthly saving, being faithful to
our wives and being an exemplary citizen of this world? So much time is wasted
in implementing discipline to a system that is destined to fail, to crumble and
be lured away into ultimate chaos. We were created out of chaos, chaos of
sperms and reacting ovaries, and the finish line should be no different.
Sometimes you want to cut your cake and eat it too. Gush never believed any one
person could satisfy all his needs but sometimes you want to have both - the
socially stable life and the adventure. He was emotionally attached to his wife
and kid and could not imagine letting go of that picture perfect life but there
was also another part of him that craved that little bit extra. Certain people
cannot be completely adventurous or completely stable and he was one of them.
And the best part, Gush thought, was that he could not be more proud of his
life and had no regrets. The subtle vibration from his phone distracted him for
a moment and he checked to see a message from his mistress. He read it and
slowly pushed the erase button, but it erased nothing important. The truth was
still the truth.
Chris was utterly bored. He was so excited about this meeting all day
but here he was stuck with a grumpy and another totally pre-occupied friend. He
was flying high at this point in his life and did not need these two to drag
him down. He looked at Rajiv to see if he had cheered up a little but there was
no sign of that happening today. The bastard would never forgive him for trying
to bring a little sunshine into his life. Chris honestly sometimes believed
Rajiv was sadistic or worse, masochistic. He reveled in pain. For the life of
him, Chris could not understand why Rajiv looked that guilty! The cheating
feeling in general will always exist in men as long as we live because human
nature gets a kick out of keeping things under the rug - we like secrets -
secret pleasure and no matter how straightforward we claim to be, everyone has
skeletons in their cupboard that will spare no embarrassment if let out in the
open! Take masturbation for example - who wants to discuss it in open public
forums but then who does not fancy practising it in the seclusion of their
privacy? If the idiot had taken a break from reading Ramayana and stopped to
think about the beginning of the human race, he would not be half as confused.
Where did the concept of forbidden fruits come from? That story itself is one
of the biggest open secrets of our race - the fact that we would always chase
after that apple to find out how it tastes.
With one swift gesture Chris called the waiter and settled the bill. The
trio slowly vacated their seats and headed towards the exit together, each lost
in his own silent thoughts.
Rajiv: I would put this one dark night behind me and take a fresh look
at my life, strive to better uphold my established beliefs and look forward to
a sunny future with Meera.
Gush: This world and its worldly values could take a backseat while I
drive to my perfectly balanced life.
Chris: I would enjoy this high as long as it lasts and oh - try not to
get caught!
