INFIDELITY

DISCLAIMER! DISCLAIMER! DISCLAIMER!

Please bear in mind it is very difficult to even approach a subject such as the title above; particularly because it is the ugliest of home truths that quite a few of us have to live with or have seen from close proximities. This one issue has broken our own hearts or of those near and dear to us. I myself have personally witnessed a few cases in recent times and feel obliged to weigh it in before stamping a permanent seal of ‘obscenity’ and tucking it away somewhere in my mind. Infidelity raises a lot of questions on moral grounds and the most nagging part is in its frequent occurrence. If it is happening to this many people, it certainly cannot be withdrawn behind closed doors and turned a blind eye to, can it? Thus, this is my confrontation with the issue in the form of a story derived from several different sources. The characters bear no resemblance to any people living or dead but the story itself is neither truth nor fiction.

RAJIV

The room smelt of sex. The sweet aroma of human skin rubbed together in symphony and resulting in a musky, filthy yet beautiful fragrance of indulgence. Was the word indulgence synonymous with satisfaction? Perhaps in a broader context but strictly did not apply to my case. I was seated on the floor at the foot of a bed in a cramped dark room. I had no recollection of how long I have sat in the same position but the pain in my left ankle suggested both the slow disappearance of substance abuse and the painful awakening and also a completely disconcerted notion of my bearings. However, the sight in front of me, sprawled across the king size bed could still take my breath away! She was the single most beautiful and enigmatic creature I had ever come across and up until a few hours ago the only objective of my entire being was to be inside her, to ravage her and own her. In thirty long years of longing, this was as close to giving it all up I ever came. The stirring in my loins resurrected as I continued to stare at her. With the residual energy I could muster, I slowly extricated myself from the still position and dragged my body out as you would drag a lifeless corpse.

Stepping out of the apartment building, I tried not to look back or check whether the shift of the guards had changed or if anyone else recognised me. I held my head high and kept a steady pace. I pretended to belong to the drunken crowd that step out of clubs on Sunday mornings deeming the glare of the sun impossible and in full denial. But this was no Sunday and what I had left behind, no club. In my daze I almost ran into a bunch of high-school girls crossing the road. They burst into a giggle as I focused my eyes on them. I blinked several times to clear my vision and I could swear one of them looked exactly like Meera. In fact if Meera ever puts on a school uniform she could still pass for the old Meera I had met almost twelve years ago. The moment that innocent memory of her face swayed in front of my eyes, I felt a sudden shot of pain in my chest and jolted. I could feel the bile rising in my throat and tried to drape my arms around myself, tightening them, my insides screaming, making my skin crawl and felt like the filthiest person on earth.

It was five minutes past one when I looked around the near-empty cafe and realised it must have been a good three years since I have last been there. Why it suddenly occurred to my mad friend to meet here was a mystery. But then he was acting a bit odd ever since the big commission pay out. He was probably revisiting the memory lane marking all his financially worrisome eras or something to that matter. My jaws clenched at the thought of my two friends. Damn those two, I probably would not be at this confused state of mind had it not been them constantly telling me to let loose and live it up a little! Well if being totally ashamed of myself, pitying my life could be termed as 'living it up' then was I glad that I had been living it 'down' up until then! Damn the rich bastard and equally damn the baldie!

GUSH

The incessant ringing of the phone broke my reverie and I finally switched the ringer off. I waited a few minutes for any voicemail and when there was none, breathed a sigh of relief. I looked behind my shoulders to see the most immaculate face hidden under layers of white, sleeping peacefully. To someone someday, she would be worth every penny spent! I debated for a minute and disappeared under the blanket myself to join her. The rustle of the sheets woke her up and she was ready for me, instantly, just like that! I was as lucky as I felt and you just could not put a price on something like that.

The phone started ringing again within half an hour and I cursed myself under the breath for not switching the ringer off properly. These stupid smart phones seemed to have a life of their own. I unwillingly looked at the number, waited for the ringing to stop and then quickly switched the phone off. When I turned back I simply picked up from where I had left off. Years of practice had only taught me one thing - not to take any short moments of pleasure for granted and rather to enjoy every moment of it like savouring and relishing every morsel of my favourite dish! After another long but fruitful hour, I was ready to leave.

The drive home was quick enough as this was a known route. As I walked through the door, I noticed the house was shrouded in complete darkness and felt my way across the wall looking for the switch but to no avail and soon stumbled against something and almost fell. That is when the lights came on and shone against the pouting face of my three year old; and right behind him was my usually calm and composed wife, now looking a tad bit annoyed. I picked my son up with both hands as I walked towards my wife and pulled her into a bone-crushing bear hug! Immediately the frown disappeared from her face and was replaced by a short but meaningful smile. Together we put our son to bed and started stripping each other's clothes off halfway through to the bedroom. We were completely naked when we reached the bed and hungrily took up on each other's bodies. There were no skills involved, no foreplay and the entire affair lasted for about five minutes. I remained in bed for quite sometime, unable to move out of exhaustion, not so much from the past five minutes but rather the entire day. When I finally left the bed to wash my face, I suddenly ran back two steps at a time and stooped down to kiss my wife's forehead. I watched her smile in her sleep and felt the deepest sense of satisfaction. I made my way back to the bathroom and smiled at my reflection and said 'now you my friend are a genius Mr. Poupulos!"

Only sheer ingenuity could orchestrate a life that was as well balanced as mine and with very few regrets. I loved my wife, my son and I would never even dream about committing anything as offensive as taking them to the same restaurant as one of my mistresses; or say spend the equal amount of money that I spent on my whores. No sir, the other women knew their rightful position just like I recognised the value of my family. One was sex and the other, well my life.

I was nearly inhaling breakfast items way after midday and cursed myself for sleeping in late on my only day off and doubly cursed my friend for arranging this meeting on a Monday! The rich bastard was starting to get on my nerves and I did not even want to get started on the virgin! How the three of us ended up together in university was a wonder in itself but how we managed to stick it out for seven years was an enigma. And how drastically our lives have changed since then, owing mostly to our personalities of course. I always knew I would have to take over dad's business and had no qualms about where my life was headed but the Indian turned out to be a genius by the end of the last semester and most of all Chris was undoubtedly the clear champion! I could not help but feel a little envious of his obvious charm, good looks and now his money and brand new Beemer. To top it all off, his sexual endeavours were exceeding mine now and the infuriating man even made a joke last week about how my women were toilet rolls - disposable - and his were antique collection items! The nerve of the bastard I tell you! Collecting myself from my train of thoughts, I hurriedly started to dress to leave.

CHRIS

The sun was too harsh today, an impolite orb, glaring. I searched for my sunglasses knowing for certain they were not there and it was only last week I had purchased those new ray bans  - an important part of my disarming charm! I hoped to find it somewhere in the car and not back in the building that I just left. I pressed the key and heard the responding murmur from my modified BMW 3 series. The last quarter's commission was like a lucky hand at poker, I liked to think and will create a steady stream of income for the next three years at least, making the monthly payments for the car comfortably with my social life unhurt. It was amazing how things were falling into place. I decided not to compare it with poker after all, let me just say 'luck' was my middle name.

And it was luck indeed that refrained me from being caught by Debbie (my steady-going girl friend of two years) in my many sexual escapades. And I hope it stayed that way because I had no intention of loosing her. In fact she had nothing to do with these bouts of momentary affection I bestowed upon these pretty collectible items. The fact that they were pretty was nobody's business and the fact that they were attracted to me was not my fault.

Interestingly, the long lasting periods of happiness with Debbie that I could recall were those when I cheated most. Cheating gave me a natural buzz that initially incapacitated me, possessed me and then slowly incorporated itself as a part of me. I was happy all the time, engaged in everything that I did in life, enjoyed work and loved the world! I think I even gave to charity that year! Now these resulting factors could not be discounted or ignored and I was just going to be smart about it. Even my over-achieving father was happy with me for once ever since I left home and gave up a career in medicine. All those years spent slogging in the university was something I could never refund but switching to sales and rapidly earning those hefty commissions eased the pain a little at least. Now I was just a man who triumphed all conquests in life.

I smiled at that last thought and felt something poking my backside as I placed myself behind the wheels. Ah! So that is where the glasses were hiding! These days nothing was too far from my reach even if I did not try too hard to look for it. This was my moment and I was basking in its glory. I could not wait to meet those two bastards and spill the beans on the latest conquest. I bet the baldie was fuming since his scorecard had been failing miserably for the past two weeks. I drove off leaving the soft echo of my laughter behind. 

COMING TOGETHER

Rajiv, Gush and Chris: the trio was seated comfortably at the same table where they had spent innumerable number of hours back in their university days. The idea of course came from Chris' brilliant mind, which was fondling with memories, eager to reunite with old friends and revisit nostalgic shrines just like a person newly in love. In a sense he had fallen in love, with himself and his life. These days he fell in love almost every week, if not every day and the moment that I-could-own-this-universe headiness even threatened to fade away, he fell in love once more and resumed the good feeling - from the top! Such was the sweet music his life was producing as of late. The truth to the matter was that every single person in this world craved that feeling of first love, the glory of it all and however sad it may be, that feeling did have a tendency to ultimately fade away and completely disappear and be replaced by a cool nonchalance, both in bed and life. His relationship with Debbie was not fading by any means and he would not complain (even under the influence) that it lacked substance or future prospect. In fact it was perfect - they were both compatible, fitted into each other's lives harmoniously, had similar sense of humour, all in all a perfect match. But that taunting and haunting chemistry that existed in the first few weeks, the uncontrollable desire to consume each other, not being able to keep their hands off each other, that hunger had transformed into a more solid structure. The relationship became dependable and life predictable. Suddenly those twinkle in the eyes and the hushed whispers, eye contact, burning touches, sudden blushes gradually slowed and suddenly did not exist anymore. They did not dress to impress each other and the general feel-good sense vanished and was replaced by an aura of lethargy. Time just dragged on. And he realised then and there that he needed to rescue himself, to give back the energy and motivation that was required to succeed in life.

Thus in all essence he did not blame himself for taking up on this beautiful sport involving beautiful women. They were a challenge for him, kept his brain working furiously compared to gambling or drugs. Drugs, he reckoned were for the weak that preferred oblivion but Chris on the other hand, wanted to live every moment. The art of wooing and lovemaking was a full time job. And he read it somewhere that frequent happy releases even aided minor illnesses.

His heart went out to the virgin though - it was probably a good thing he did not realise what he was missing out on - less complication that way. However, before he realised his mistake, it would be too late and timing was everything in life Chris had realised. If he had wasted another single year running after the passionless all-practical dream of pursuing a career in medicine, he would have perhaps ended up in the middle of a surgery, thirty years from now, holding somebody else's life in his hands not knowing what he had done with his. No offence to Rajiv's culture and values but he seriously needed to wake up and come out of a world that did not exist. What was the logic behind practising self-restraint for thirty odd years, that too with his steady-going girl friend? Chris assumed that by now Rajiv would have surely stopped breathing and feeling naturally altogether considering the number of years he had curbed his appetite from things his conscience considered unorthodox. And how on earth was he expected to appreciate what he had if he would not shop around a little? Most importantly what was the purpose of it all - in the name of love, religion, culture or morality?

Rajiv was furious and somehow Chris's happy demeanour was not helping. The smug bastard kept looking his way and God knew what he was thinking. Not constructing yet another new scheme to improve his life, Rajiv hoped. Rajiv was sick of both their cynical attitudes towards his life and belief system. Yes it was true his life was not normal according to all men who lost their virginity at the first given opportunity, paid tributes to social norms and structure on the surface but loathed them behind closed doors, paid no heed to cultural wellbeing or religion. Yes, his life was extremely abnormal in that respect and probably an alien concept for most to perceive but Rajiv's question to the world was what did they have in their lives so precious by being totally obnoxious and disrespectful towards all social manacles that he himself did not have? Did they have a better standard of living, most importantly were they happy? He did not think so. Rajiv had long since decided not to meddle with things he could never aspire to understand. Things like lifestyle, right and wrong should be left in the trusted hands of people who had lived longer than you have and seen and experienced a lot more than you. He was not religious in the strictest sense of the word but he preferred relying on a book that had materialised in this world long before you were around and had been adopted by the mass population. Why did we have to interfere with such things, where was the need to question such beliefs when there is no way of ever finding out who is in fact right? Rajiv felt it was just so convenient to embrace the guidelines set to you by the holy book and cultures embedded into you by your parents and try and adhere to it as much as possible. He never understood where the need was to waste time analysing these set of beliefs when he could be investing that energy to solve other more pressing issues in life such as paying bills, maintaining relationships and keeping everyone happy. He had long ago decided he was not the kind to complicate things further. And yet here he was, trapped with his two best friends who could not be anymore different than he was and had successfully managed to ruffle his entire belief system and almost made him experiment with something he still could not believe he had attempted. He cursed the day he had joined the other two in the library to study the one common course they had. He cursed Marketing which he did not even like. He cursed the day he was dared and tricked by Chris into asking out the random girl at the pub just to prove a point. The amount of lust and all-consuming energy on his part that followed still shocked him to the core. He had never known how desperately he just wanted to hold a woman's nubile skin between these fingers and just how badly he wanted to enter a girl, any girl. And most importantly how it did not matter who she was! Rajiv shivered as the feeling of foreboding washed all over him once more. It was like his mum had always said - the demon lurked behind your shoulders in moments like these.

Rajiv tried to focus his mind back to the conversation, taking place at the table. Gush was regaling his tale from the night before and how he had successfully satisfied both the wife and the mistress before dawn. It was revolting how Gush seemed to think his life was perfect. In fact his entire view of this world was so demented. Especially the way he had always tut-tutted at Rajiv’s lack of adventure in life was unbelievable. It was funny how once you became too close to anyone, the exact things about you that had seemed interesting initially suddenly became 'problems' that needed to be molded and they would not relent unless they make you one of them. The fact that he was different did not make Gush any better than him, Rajiv thought. The biggest imposters were the ones who put their hands up in criticism, sometimes knowing they themselves have or would do the exact same thing in a similar situation, but gulps down the truth to seem heroic in public. These people are proud regardless of the occasional bouts of doubt they experience concerning themselves and are at peace. Rajiv considered his friend Gush to be one of those truly happy people in the world because his conscience never seemed to bother him. The feeling of never having to question yourself must be amazing.

Gush from across the table was observing Rajiv's disheveled appearance and troubled countenance. He wanted to tut-tut out loud but bit back his tongue. For the first time ever, his friend resembled a man, if ever so dimly. He was tired of having a sissy of a girl sit at this table with them for ages. He would never understand people like Rajiv who forgot the most important reason for coming into this world - to live. And if you are trying to accomplish everything else and not realising the difference between ages fourteen and forty, Gush would surely want a rematch of that life and that is what he truly believed his friend needed. He needed a rematch, a chance to come back into this world and live a little without a million restrictions. Morality was such a vague term. It was just like every other established belief system - nobody knew where it originated from and who decided it was so important to adhere to. And yet we spend all our lives trying to live up to this phantom’s expectations. So very vague. Are we honestly naïve enough to believe there is a person holding a trophy waiting for us at the finish line who would reward us for paying our bills on time, having a steady monthly saving, being faithful to our wives and being an exemplary citizen of this world? So much time is wasted in implementing discipline to a system that is destined to fail, to crumble and be lured away into ultimate chaos. We were created out of chaos, chaos of sperms and reacting ovaries, and the finish line should be no different. Sometimes you want to cut your cake and eat it too. Gush never believed any one person could satisfy all his needs but sometimes you want to have both - the socially stable life and the adventure. He was emotionally attached to his wife and kid and could not imagine letting go of that picture perfect life but there was also another part of him that craved that little bit extra. Certain people cannot be completely adventurous or completely stable and he was one of them. And the best part, Gush thought, was that he could not be more proud of his life and had no regrets. The subtle vibration from his phone distracted him for a moment and he checked to see a message from his mistress. He read it and slowly pushed the erase button, but it erased nothing important. The truth was still the truth.

Chris was utterly bored. He was so excited about this meeting all day but here he was stuck with a grumpy and another totally pre-occupied friend. He was flying high at this point in his life and did not need these two to drag him down. He looked at Rajiv to see if he had cheered up a little but there was no sign of that happening today. The bastard would never forgive him for trying to bring a little sunshine into his life. Chris honestly sometimes believed Rajiv was sadistic or worse, masochistic. He reveled in pain. For the life of him, Chris could not understand why Rajiv looked that guilty! The cheating feeling in general will always exist in men as long as we live because human nature gets a kick out of keeping things under the rug - we like secrets - secret pleasure and no matter how straightforward we claim to be, everyone has skeletons in their cupboard that will spare no embarrassment if let out in the open! Take masturbation for example - who wants to discuss it in open public forums but then who does not fancy practising it in the seclusion of their privacy? If the idiot had taken a break from reading Ramayana and stopped to think about the beginning of the human race, he would not be half as confused. Where did the concept of forbidden fruits come from? That story itself is one of the biggest open secrets of our race - the fact that we would always chase after that apple to find out how it tastes.

With one swift gesture Chris called the waiter and settled the bill. The trio slowly vacated their seats and headed towards the exit together, each lost in his own silent thoughts.

Rajiv: I would put this one dark night behind me and take a fresh look at my life, strive to better uphold my established beliefs and look forward to a sunny future with Meera.

Gush: This world and its worldly values could take a backseat while I drive to my perfectly balanced life.

Chris: I would enjoy this high as long as it lasts and oh - try not to get caught!